Here is the deal...

I found out I was pregnant with Clay 2 weeks after we moved here. Within 2 weeks I started having morning sickness and for varying reasons, I pretty much felt terrible for the rest of the pregnancy. Clay had reflux and cried and threw up the majority of the time for months. After each of my other kids I have started feeling liky myself again right around the time they turn 9 months old.

This time around it has been way different. I haven't felt well since I got pregnant with him. I have been to dozens of dr. appointments and had more blood drawn than probably everyone reading this combined. I have been told over the course of it all that I *might* have Rheumatoid Arthritis, Multiple Sclerosis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Narcolepsy, and a few less major things. I have had an MRI of my brain, and a sleep study done. Some of these have been ruled out completely (MS and Lupus). What we do know is that I have a significant vitamin D deficiency, sero-negative arthritis (which means it technically isn't Rheumatoid Arthritis yet, but might be in the future), and hypoglycemia. The sero-negative arthritis and hypoglycemia I just found out about last week. I have to do another sleep study to confirm or rule out narcolepsy, and the rest are still up for grabs. I also have to have a few other things looked at, but won't go into detail on those right now.

Ben works for General Motors. He may or may not loose his job in a couple of weeks. We don't think he will, but it is a possibility. If he does, do you know what he gets? Half a month's pay. HALF A MONTH'S PAY. That will pay or mortgage once, but then what? We have several months of food storage in the basement, so atleast we can eat. We won't be able to sell our house without putting some time and effort into it. It was on the market for a year and a half when we bought it for a reason. We have done alot since we moved in, but there are still a few things that need to be done before we can put it on the market and actually have a chance (however small) to sell it. I know it will sell if that is the Lord's will. If not, I guess we join the Michigan masses in Forclosure.

So, why am I spilling all of this on my blog? Because. Because I am struggling. I know I am supposed to "Come what may and love it." I know I am supposed to endure it well and put my faith and trust in the Lord. I know that other people have it way harder than I do. I know these things. I am not asking for sympathy. I just need to vent! I need to get it all out so I can say, "okay...it is what it is...let's move forward."

So there you go...